Farmer in the Deli

Is It Still Me That Makes You Sweat?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 3:06 AM

I think I would be a horrible parent. My sister had to make a court date on Monday in another state leaving me to babysit her three children. I was not asked, this was forced upon me. Since I love them and it was my neice's birthday, I was rather excited. I planned on making a card and cupcakes and playing with them the whole time but by the second day, I was exhausted once I got out of bed. Laying on the couch and watching the youngest one shout along with Dora doesn't leave me feeling like I'm ready to be a father.

This may all be attributed to the fact that I've been really depressed lately and have had things on my mind. I can't sleep at night and my hands have been breaking out with hives again. Even when I get like this, I think I'm still a mellow guy. I bury it all deep inside and change the subject so I don't have to think about it. I still find myself listening to sad music, though. Why do we do this to ourselves?

5 Comments:

Wanna come live out here?

By Blogger Patrick, at 6:27 PM  

you will make a good dad, youre still young though. maybe moving to texas would be best for you.

By Anonymous Oh, you know., at 12:57 AM  

I torture myself, too. Human nature, I think. Vipasana meditation has helped me considerably. There are probably many groups that meet in your part of the world.

All my best during this difficult period, sweetie.

By Blogger Janelle Renee, at 12:58 PM  

sad music makes everything better...well wallowing in self pity makes me feel like it's all real and I can validate the fact I feel crummy sometimes. So...still considering Philly?? It's a fun town!cakes1

By Blogger Melina, at 6:50 AM  

Patrick: Simple answer? Yes. Just not right now.

Casey: I want to be the best dad, not just a good one. Texas definitly won't do that. ;)

Janelle: I've seen what medication has done to people I love and how it hasn't even helped some. I've been looking into it but I'm afraid of becoming one of THOSE people. Meaning my sister.

Melina: It might be the whole misery loves company thing. You can feel sad by yourself and not worry about bothering anyone because the people singing to you can't be bothered. Philly is still an option. If not now then someday.

By Blogger Dean Simon, at 11:00 PM  

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